The Problem with the “Did you just assume my gender” Meme

 

“Did you just assume my gender?” 

We have all heard this “joke” dozens, or maybe even hundreds of times throughout our time in middle school and at Uni, as well as everywhere online. The meme aims to portray nonbinary people as sensitive, and deligitimize the idea that people may identify as genders beyond male and female. As seen in the meme posted here, the joke implies that identifying as nonbinary is as ridiculous as identifying as an inanimate object. It hints that people who don’t identify as male or female are taking things too far by seemingly trying to erase the concept of gender. 

In my experience, I have heard this tired joke so much, especially as a subbie and freshman. Even as a senior, I still hear it every now and then. First, it is necessary to identify whether this joke is actually amusing to people. Whenever it is told, the most I see is a slight exhale of air as a laugh or a small chuckle. The primary purpose of this joke seems to just be to fill awkward silence. Clearly, it’s not adding much value to conversation. So, what does it say about our society that the default thing to say to fill in silence is a transphobic joke?

Whenever I have heard people using this joke, I think many do not use it trying to intentionally hurt nonbinary people - I think people don’t understand what it really means. But, when one naturally makes that joke about an insect or a random object, the transphobia in the joke becomes internalized. One could say the classic statement that these statements are “just jokes,” but when tons of trans and nonbinary people are being murdered per year based off of these implicit biases, even “small” statements like these become severely important. 

At Uni, misgendering is still a common issue. Teachers have been insistent on using incorrect pronouns, and students make errors with them as well. Yet, I think the majority of the Uni population has good intentions to respect gender, and if any errors are made, it is out of ignorance rather than bad intentions. I remember that the Gender Studies class last year had a presentation where they educated people on jokes like this one that were offensive, as well as the importance of pronouns. That talk was very informative for me, and I was able to correct some of my behaviors that I didn’t even know were wrong before. So, I believe seminars like these or making classes about gender inclusivity mandatory would help the entire community be more respectful of each other.